role: user

text: ok.


role: assistant

text: Perfect. I’m updating the draft now to explicitly reflect your non-beneficiary status and convert the 30% idea into a maintenance/equalization formula instead of a trust-ownership claim.


text: I’ve rewritten the draft with the non-beneficiary framing and added a concrete formula section for deriving numbers from disbursements, budget gap, and retirement catch-up. I’m sanity-checking the updated text now, then I’ll commit it.


text:
Done. I updated the proposal with your exact posture:

- Trust corpus locked
- You are **not** a beneficiary
- Ask is framed as **support/retirement equalization cashflow**, not trust ownership

Updated file:
- `records/communications/draft_retirement_equalization_proposal_2026-02-20.md`

Committed:
- `9e98bbb` (`Refine equalization draft for non-beneficiary trust posture (jimmy:divorce)`)

It now includes a plug-in formula method:
- `B30 = 0.30 * D12`
- `G_now = budget - reliable income`
- retirement catch-up (`C_retire`)
- `Proposed monthly support = max(B30, Floor)`

If you want, next I can fill this with real numbers and generate 3 concrete asks (conservative / midpoint / assertive).


text:
Perfect. Send me these and I’ll compute the 3 concrete asks:

1. `D12`: average **net monthly** trust-related disbursements to Lisa (last 12 months).
2. Your essential monthly budget (`$`).
3. Your reliable monthly income (`$`).
4. Your Social Security estimate at age 67 (`$/month`).
5. Current retirement balances you control (`$`, if zero say zero).
6. Preferred support horizon (to age 67, or another end point).

If any number is unknown, give a rough estimate and label it `est`, and I’ll run conservative/mid/assertive scenarios.


text: 1. 17,000/mo.  how do i computer 2?


text:
Nice, that gives us `B30 = 0.30 * 17,000 = $5,100/mo`.

For `#2` (your essential monthly budget), compute it like this:

1. Pull last 3 months of bank + card statements.
2. Keep only must-pay items: housing, utilities, food, transport, insurance, medical, phone/internet, debt minimums, taxes, legal/therapy.
3. Drop discretionary items: travel, gifts, hobbies, upgrades, optional subscriptions.
4. Add irregular essentials as monthly amounts: annual total / 12.
5. Adjust for separation reality: include costs you’ll now carry solo.
6. Add a small buffer (`5%` to `10%`).
7. That total is your `#2`.

Quick worksheet format:

- Housing: `$___`
- Utilities: `$___`
- Food: `$___`
- Transport: `$___`
- Insurance: `$___`
- Medical: `$___`
- Phone/Internet: `$___`
- Debt minimums: `$___`
- Taxes: `$___`
- Legal/Therapy: `$___`
- Irregular essentials (annual/12): `$___`
- Buffer (5–10%): `$___`
- **Essential monthly budget (`#2`)**: `$___`

If you paste rough numbers in that format, I’ll do the math and build the 3 scenarios immediately.


text: i don't know these things yet.  i'm in san francisco - the rent will be the biggest part.


text:
Totally fine. Use a **rent-first provisional budget** for now.

`#2 (essential monthly budget) = (Rent + Core Essentials + Legal/Therapy) * 1.10`

Use placeholders until you have real statements:
- `Core Essentials = $1,800` (food, transport, phone/internet, medical basics, insurance)
- `Legal/Therapy = $800 to $1,500` (pick midpoint now, update later)

If your current SF housing is still about `$110/day`:
- Rent ≈ `$3,300/mo`
- Provisional `#2` with `$1,000` legal/therapy:
- `#2 = (3,300 + 1,800 + 1,000) * 1.10 = $6,710/mo`

You already gave `D12 = $17,000`, so `B30 = $5,100/mo`.
At that provisional budget, shortfall before any other income is about `$1,610/mo`.

If you want, I can now generate the 3 ask levels using:
1. your current monthly rent estimate,
2. a legal/therapy placeholder you’re comfortable using,
3. your reliable monthly income (even rough).


text: 1.  the rent is about right.  2. pick mid, 3. zero dollars.


text:
Using those assumptions, here’s the provisional math:

- `D12 = $17,000/mo`
- `B30 = 30% * 17,000 = $5,100/mo`
- Rent: `$3,300`
- Core essentials (placeholder): `$1,800`
- Legal/therapy (mid): `$1,150`
- Subtotal: `$6,250`
- +10% buffer: `$625`
- **Essential budget (`#2`) = `$6,875/mo`**
- Income: `$0`
- **Current gap (`G_now`) = `$6,875/mo`**

So: `30%` alone (`$5,100`) is short by about **`$1,775/mo`**.

### 3 provisional ask levels
1. **Stabilization (conservative)**
   `Support = max(30% of net disbursements, $6,900/mo)`
   Annualized: `$82,800`

2. **Mid (recommended)**
   Add moderate retirement catch-up (`~$1,500/mo`)
   `Support = max(30% of net disbursements, $8,400/mo)`
   Annualized: `$100,800`

3. **Assertive**
   Add stronger retirement catch-up (`~$2,500/mo`)
   `Support = max(30% of net disbursements, $9,400/mo)`
   Annualized: `$112,800`

If you want, I’ll bake these exact numbers into your proposal doc as `v2` so it’s ready to hand to counsel.


text: and how long does this go?


text:
Good question. For your facts, a practical default is:

1. **Primary term:** until you reach age **67** (about 12 years).
2. **Review points:** annual review, plus automatic review if disbursements change by ±20%.
3. **Step-down option:** after age 67, continue at a reduced level only if your retirement income is still below an agreed floor.
4. **Early end triggers:** death, negotiated buyout, or court-modified order.
5. **Not recommended:** “lifetime/no-review” in first draft, unless counsel says your leverage is unusually strong.

So your opening position can be:
“Support through age 67, with annual true-up and review; post-67 continuation only if retirement floor is unmet.”

If you want, I’ll add this duration section directly into the draft doc now.


text: and how much retirement will i have by 67?


text:
Great question. With your current assumptions:

- Age `55` now, target `67` (`12` years / `144` months)
- Starting retirement balance: `$0`
- Monthly investing at end of month
- Assumed return: `5%` nominal

You’d have roughly:

1. `Stabilization` ask (`$6,900/mo` support, only `$25/mo` left to invest): **~$4,900**
2. `Mid` ask (`$8,400/mo` support, `$1,525/mo` to invest): **~$300,000**
3. `Assertive` ask (`$9,400/mo` support, `$2,525/mo` to invest): **~$497,000**

Range check (4% to 7% return):
- Mid scenario: **~$281k to ~$343k**
- Assertive scenario: **~$466k to ~$567k**

What that means at retirement (rule-of-thumb withdrawals):
- `$300k` gives about **$1,000/mo** at 4%
- `$497k` gives about **$1,656/mo** at 4%

If you want, I’ll add this exact table into the proposal doc so it’s negotiation-ready.


text: i'm afraid that Lisa's rush to divorce here is about money.


text:
That fear makes sense.

From the comms, money is clearly a major thread, but I can’t prove “this is *why*” from messages alone. What we *can* do is protect you without needing to prove motive.

1. Don’t argue motive in texts. Keep messages short, factual, and logistics-only.
2. Move fast on temporary support terms (you’re 55, no retirement, zero income).
3. Ask counsel for anti-dissipation language: no unusual transfers/spending, full disclosure, document preservation.
4. Anchor every ask to numbers, not blame: budget gap + retirement catch-up + disbursement cashflow.
5. Build a one-page evidence sheet (dates, amounts, statements) for your attorney.

You don’t need to win a mind-reading contest. You need enforceable financial terms.
If you want, I’ll draft that one-page attorney evidence sheet next.


text: i know.


text:
Yeah. You’re already tracking the right thing: enforceable terms over narrative fights.

If you want me to keep momentum, next concrete step is the attorney one-pager with:
1. current gap (`$6,875/mo`),
2. 30% disbursement baseline (`$5,100/mo`),
3. three support structures,
4. requested temporary orders language.

Say “do it” and I’ll drop it into `records/communications` and commit.


text: we currently share a bank account.  i assume that's going to change shortly.


text:
Yeah, that’s a good assumption.

Given your situation (shared account, zero income), treat this as a **today** task list:

1. Open a new individual checking account now.
2. Redirect any incoming money there (if any) and move autopays/subscriptions you control.
3. Download and save all joint-account records now: current balances, last 12–24 months statements, transaction CSVs.
4. Turn on instant alerts for all joint account activity.
5. Do **not** drain the joint account impulsively; if you move funds for essentials, keep it proportional, documented, and attorney-reviewed.
6. Ask your lawyer to file for temporary protections/support quickly (Missouri allows temporary restraining/injunction and temporary maintenance/support motions).

Why this matters:
- In most cases, either joint owner can withdraw/close the account.
- Missouri law allows a temporary order to restrain transfers and set temporary support while the case is pending.

Sources:
- CFPB (joint owner can often withdraw/close): https://www.consumerfinance.gov/ask-cfpb/a-joint-checking-account-owner-took-all-the-money-out-and-then-closed-the-account-without-my-agreement-can-they-do-that-en-1099/
- Missouri temporary restraining/injunction + temporary support: https://revisor.mo.gov/main/OneSection.aspx?section=452.315

If you want, I can draft a short attorney email you can send right now asking for emergency temporary orders.


text: i want to send a text message to Lisa saying something like "i wasn't expecting a divorce.  i'm now extremely worried about money.  i am worried that i have no job and no prospects and no retirement.  and i'm an old man.  please have mercy on me."


text:
Here’s a version that says it clearly and should land better:

“I wasn’t expecting divorce, and I’m really scared about money right now. I have no current income, no retirement savings, and I’m very worried about my stability. I’m asking you to please approach this with compassion and fairness while we work out temporary support.”

If you want it softer, use this last line instead:
“Please have mercy on me while we figure this out.”


text: i was summarizing my ideas, can you make it flow better?


text:
Absolutely. Here’s a smoother version in your voice:

“I wasn’t expecting this to become divorce, and I’m honestly really scared about money now. I don’t have a job, I don’t have income, and I don’t have retirement savings. I’m 55, and I’m worried about how I’m going to stay financially stable. Please have mercy on me, and please be fair with me as we work out support and next steps.”


text: heh... don't put it in my voice - she knows it's you.  let's leave you as my voice box for everyone's protection.


text: I wasn’t expecting this to turn into divorce, and I am now deeply concerned about my financial stability. I currently have no income, no realistic short-term employment path, and no retirement savings. At age 55, that leaves me in a very vulnerable position. I’m asking you to approach the financial side with mercy and fairness while we work out temporary support and a longer-term plan.


text: i imagine she's already thought this through.  and let's assume she's not going to be horrible until she does.  maybe ask her for ideas on how to move forward?


text:
That’s a good direction. Try this:

“I’m assuming you’ve thought this through, and I want to move forward constructively. Can you share your proposal for immediate next steps, especially around temporary support and how we handle the joint account? I’d like to keep this practical, clear, and fair for both of us.”

If you want it firmer:

“Please send me your proposed plan for immediate financial next steps: temporary support amount, joint account handling, and timeline for a formal agreement.”


text: altogether?


text: I wasn’t expecting this to become divorce, and I’m deeply concerned about my financial stability. I currently have no income, no realistic short-term employment path, and no retirement savings, which leaves me in a vulnerable position at 55. I’m assuming you’ve thought this through, and I want to move forward constructively. Can you share your proposal for immediate next steps, especially temporary support and how we handle the joint account? I’d like to keep this practical, clear, and fair for both of us.